Letting Go

            A great obstacle to living in the present is our noisy head. At any given moment, thoughts crowd into our consciousness. We haven’t invited them in, and some of them we would much rather not have. And yet they come, wanting our attention. If they’re successful, we follow them, and off we go into the past or the future or worse, into a well of unresolved pain. Mostly, in the busyness of our days, we don’t notice that all this is going on. However, when we go to a quiet place to meditate, guess what? Suddenly we feel like we’re under assault. Henri Nouwen, a wonderful writer and great Christian meditator, puts it this way in his book With Open Hands:[1] 

Entering into a quiet room doesn’t automatically bring us inner silence. When there is no one to talk to or to listen to, an interior discussion may start up - often noisier than the noise we just escaped. Many unsolved problems demand attention; one care forces itself upon the other; one complaint rivals the next; all pleading for a hearing. Sometimes we are left powerless in the face of many twisted sentiments we cannot untangle. 

            Why do we need quiet heads to know God? Because these thoughts drag us down every pathway but the one to God. The Bible story that best illustrates how the noise of our life distracts us from God is this one (1 Kings 19): 

11  The LORD said [to Elijah], “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
12  After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper [the voice of God]. 

            The popular story of how to catch a monkey is another illustration. It is said that one way to catch a monkey is to cut a hole in one side of a coconut just big enough for a monkey to squeeze its hand through. Then, on the other side, cut two holes, insert a banana and tie the coconut to a tree. A monkey, loving bananas, will put its hand in the small hole and grab hold of the luscious fruit. But with its hand clenched around the banana, it cannot pull its hand back out of the hole. The monkey can go free if it will let go. But usually, it doesn’t let go, and it’s caught.

So it is with us and our thoughts. We can get caught in them and stuck there, somewhere in our to do list, or our past hurts, or _____, and we can’t get past our thoughts to God. What is the solution? The solution is to learn the art of letting go. Which sounds great, but how do we do it?

            Remember that in meditation we are concerned with just being in the moment. In order just to be, we need to stop judging our moments. When it comes to the thoughts that crowd into our heads, we have a tendency to judge them as good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, godly or sinful. This is one of the ways we get stuck in them. If our thoughts are particularly pleasant, we tend to want to hang onto them and enjoy them. On the flip side of things, if our thoughts are particularly painful, we get stuck in them by trying our best to get rid of them, only to find that the harder we try, the more stubborn they tend to become. All this because we made value judgments about our thoughts. But in meditation, we allow things to be the way they are. We observe our thoughts, then let them go their merry way. As Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it in his book Full Catastrophe Living:[2] “We let [our thoughts] be, and in doing so we let them go . . . We just watch.” Then, having seen and let go, we come back to the focus of our meditation.

            The second thing we need to watch out for is believing that our thoughts are us. Christians in particular tend to make this mistake. If an ungodly thought crosses their mind, they repent. Which is a useless thing to do because they haven’t sinned. A passing thought is just a passing thought. It might be a temptation to sin, but it is not sin. Only when we take it in and feed on it or act on it do we end up in sin. The story of Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness teaches us this. Jesus had thoughts of the most horrible kind, even thoughts of bowing down and worshiping Satan in order to have the kingdoms of the world without having to go to the cross. But those were not His thoughts. They were put in His mind by Satan. And the Scripture says that having them was not sin because Jesus never sinned (Hebrews 4:15).[3] If we make the mistake of thinking our random thoughts are saying something about who we are, we’ll end up back in judgment, only we will be judging not only our thoughts but ourselves as well. Now we’re in double trouble and way down the road from the heart of meditation, which is just to be and to let other things (including our thoughts and emotions) just be. For any who feel like they’re slaves to certain kinds of thoughts, practising seeing those thoughts as just thoughts and not truth or reality can be very helpful in breaking that kind of mental bondage.

            When it comes to meditation as a way to God, letting go is particularly important. Not only does it help us to empty our minds of distractions that take us away from our focus on God, but it also helps us to create a place in our hearts for God. God has told us that His ways and thoughts are not like ours (Isaiah 55:8).[4] In other words, God can’t be put in a box. If you think of everything you know about Him now as your “God box”, you need to open that box to make room for what’s not there yet. In other words, you need to let go of your expectation that God will always act in a way that you understand. That creates room for God to surprise you. Remember that He is infinite. He has a lot to surprise you with.

            So letting go of our random thoughts is very important in meditation. However, sometimes we truly get stuck and can’t let go. What then? If you discover at any time that you can’t seem to stop holding on to a certain thought or strong emotion, then look at what “holding on” feels like. Observe it. You’re still practising meditation because meditation is simply paying attention to your present. If you’re stuck in holding on, then holding on is your present experience. Remember, though, to pay attention without judging either the thought or yourself. This thought is not the enemy, and you haven’t failed at meditation. You’ve simply changed the focus of your meditation. Of course, in Christian meditation, you want your focus to be God. But remember, it takes practise to train your mind to let go of everything else except God. This is not natural to us. So be patient, be in your present, and practise with your mind the way it is right now.  

exercises 

day 3 

Take 5 minutes out of your day. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Take a position that’s comfortable for you. Then, in the silence, focus on your breathing. It doesn’t matter if you focus on your nose, throat, chest or belly, just so long as you are conscious of your breathing. Breathing is the focus for this meditation. Don’t try to change your breath in any way. Just be conscious of it. Even in as short a span of time as 5 minutes, your mind will wander. When you become aware of this, observe where your mind has taken you, pass no judgments, but just gently bring your mind back to the focus. Do this as often as you need to over the 5 minutes of meditation. 

Day 4 

Repeat the Day 3 meditation.