THE “FEELING GOOD” STRONGHOLD

            If we live our Christian lives as if we are separated from God, and basically on our own with some occasional divine help, we live a lie (because we are really one with Him), and we create for ourselves a stronghold that works against intimacy with God. In the previous lesson, that stronghold was called “looking for love in all the wrong places”. It could also be called “looking for self-fulfilment in all the wrong places”. Dr. Larry Crabb[1] calls it the “feeling good” stronghold.

            What’s so wrong with feeling good? Nothing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good or to be happy. We were made for perfection. It’s in our DNA. And somewhere in our heart there is a haunting - a regret over what was lost through sin and a yearning to have it all again. God has set eternity in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11),[2] and our hearts can’t rest and be content with anything that falls short of the glory of eternity. That is why we are always just pilgrims so long as we are on this earth (Hebrews 11:13).[3] We never feel fully at home here.

            So the stronghold doesn’t consist of wanting to feel good, fulfilled, content, satisfied. Those are normal and godly desires. The stronghold is built when we divorce this longing from God and from eternity. We can’t be 100% happy in this life in a broken world, and we can’t be happy at all except insofar as we are happy in God alone. Yet we live as if we can be 100% happy now and as if we can engineer our own happiness. Dr. Crabb, in his book Shattered Dreams,[4] explains this with a parable, a paraphrase of which is given here. 

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            Once upon a time there was a man whose life was very pleasant, indeed. So was his relationship with God. The two go together, don’t they? God disagreed. So he allowed some unpleasantness into the man’s life.

            The man was shocked. How could this be? He was a good man. He was faithful to God. How could any of this happen to him? Surely God didn’t want this! So he did his spiritual warfare and sought prayer and “trusted God” to make it all better. Life would soon be pleasant again. He had faith. But he really didn’t have faith. He really figured God owed Him this. He was self-satisfied, and surely God was satisfied, too, and would reward his good life. God disagreed. So He allowed more unpleasantness into the man’s life.

            The man was frustrated, but he tried to handle these new problems like the man of faith he was. He would be patient. He would ask for more prayer. But he never looked at his own heart, which was still self-satisfied and put faith in God making his life pleasant again if he did all the right things. After all, that’s God’s job, isn’t it? He continued to live a good life and to pray and worship, but it was all to show God that he really deserved to be helped out of the problems in his life. God disagreed. So He pulled back His protection a little further, and the man’s life became miserable.

            Now the man was angry. Where was this good God of His, the One who said He loved the man so much? An unbelieving father would treat his kids better than the Heavenly Father was treating the man! The man remembered the days when his life was very pleasant, but he now saw no prospect for a quick return to that pleasantness. Nevertheless, his highest dream was to get it all back again. But how could he? He couldn’t go back in time. And the future was looking far from inviting. He began to lose hope. He went to church, but really he wasn’t worshiping and praising - just going through the motions and pretending He believed in a good and loving God. God was not pleased. So He allowed all hell to break loose in the man’s life.

            The man was desperate to find some kind of pleasure somewhere, including in things he knew were wrong. But when he gave in, he just felt worse than ever. He felt like he was living in a dense fog. God was nowhere. All that he had left was pain. Where was this God who could take away all the pain but wouldn’t so much as lift a finger to remove even the tiniest bit of it, who just kept piling it on? What was He, some kind of cosmic sadist? But he continued to beg for help from the God He thought he knew. Except that what his heart was really saying was: “I don’t deserve this. This pain is all Your fault. You owe me better than this. You’ve promised better than this.” God disagreed. He let the man continue to struggle and allowed even more trouble into his life.

            The man had never, ever, in his worst nightmares, believed his life would ever come to this. All these years, he had believed (although never in so many words, just in a deep part of his heart) that this could never happen to him and, if it did, his life would be over. His faith would be over because he would have no choice but to conclude that God isn’t good. The man struggled with hope and with faith. From this place in his soul where he so believed that life is about feeling good and that God’s job is to make that happen, came a voice of such deep disappointment that it cried for the man to turn his back on God, that this was the only thing left to do, and he would be justified in doing it.

            The battle was fierce. The man held on to the shreds of his faith. But really, what he was doing, was again trying to put God in his service, showing God: “I’m still being faithful. Does that impress You? Are You willing now to give me what I need?” God was indeed willing to give the man what He needed. He had been willing all along. But that was not what the man wanted. So God continued to do nothing about the man’s hard circumstances. This pained God deeply to do. But He had something so much better that He wanted the man to have.

            The darkness in the man’s life thickened. All he had was fear - and mystery. The mystery of a bad life and a good God. Where was God? Why did He disappear when the man needed Him the most? Did He care, or didn’t He? The man wrestled like Jacob in the dark until finally he cried out of his brokenness a simple prayer: “Bless me!” He cried for blessing not because he was good or deserved it or because God owed him. He cried for an unknown blessing to a God whom He was just coming to know. The man had discovered his desire for God above all other things, and his desire to receive God for who God was, not for what God could do for him. He finally had a glimmer of hope that perhaps his heart’s deepest desires could be realized - desires that he had never really known before. He had thought a good life was what would satisfy. Now he knew that that wasn’t it. Only God could fill his heart. He needed to discover just who that God really was. And what life was really all about. And what truly satisfied. The man’s suffering had become a doorway into God’s heart. God was pleased.

            Some things in the man’s life got better. Some stayed the same. Some got worse. But the man now had new dreams and new desires. Above all, he knew, that if he was to satisfy the thirst in his soul, he had to stay close to the Water. If he didn’t, his thirst became intolerable. And so the man finally had hope. And his new relationship with God, which is what God had been trying to give Him all along, finally brought Him true joy. 

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            Sometimes all that separates a Christian from a non-Christian as far as primary motivation goes isn’t that we are seeking different things in life. Often we are both seeking soul pleasure. We just differ as to how we go about trying to produce those good feelings. For the Christian, God becomes the means to that end. In this scenario, pain has no purpose, so of course it has to go. But God doesn’t always co-operate in this. Then what do we do? What do we do when life fills with pain and God does nothing to stop it or alleviate it? Some of us abandon our faith. Others go through the motions but never really drink from the well of Living Water again. Others of us let go of our small dreams, although everything in us says that this would be like jumping into an abyss because we can’t see any safety net anywhere. But we discover when we jump that “underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27a).[5] Then God shares His better dreams with us. He shares His heart, His intimacy, His love. And we are consoled and satisfied, even though we still may hurt. And what we have can never be taken from us: 

Romans 8
38  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

exercises

 Day 56

 Do the 20-minute breathing meditation. In the last 10 minutes, do a special prayer of examen. Ask God to look into your heart and expose anything of the “feeling good” stronghold that may be there. If He shows you things, ask Him what needs to be done about them.

 Days 57-59

 Do the 20-minute breathing meditation. At the same or another time in the day, do a 10 to 15-minute prayer of examen.